jamilah LEMIEUX

28 Days of Awesome: Day 2

Today, I mailed a letter to a former employer. I left this job almost 4 years ago on not-great terms: as my interest in my current field increased, my care for the job I had at the moment disappeared. I didn’t have the maturity and grace to finish strong until I made writing my business full-time. 

I want the sister who gave me the job to know that I am grateful for the opportunity and the lessons I learned under her guidance and that I am sorry for my actions. 

A big part of my efforts during this 28-day-project is forgiveness: forgiving myself, forgiving others and learning how to ask for forgiveness properly—-with the understanding that you can’t always get it, even if your intensions are pure and your heart is sorry. 

Also in Awesome, I was lucky to book a trip home to Chicago for a few days in July for work.

And I will have cocktails today at drink o’clock. Because that, in my book, is Awesome. 

28 Days of Awesome

I’ve joked a lot online about my age and typically refuse to tell people what it is. This stems from the fact that on my 25th birthday, I decided to keep being 24. And on my 26th birthday, I made the same choice. For 27, I gifted myself with the age of 25. And so for three years, I’ve failed to do the “Wow, I am___ years old” reflective piece that I had been doing since I was a little girl. As a result, I can’t honestly say I know what 25, 26 and 27 feel like. Weird, I know. But I never accepted those ages.

Alas, in 28 days, I will be 28 years old. I figured it may be time for me to embrace that before 30 knocks me over the head and I’m still grasping at my mid-20’s in confusion. I’m sure some of you who are a bit older than me are dragging your LOLerskates all over this “Me-years” foolishness of mine, but do remember the pressure young folks feel at ages like 25 and 30 to have accomplished certain things. That shit cray. 

At 25, I was a raggedy hot mess. No clue as to how to make my life work or my dreams come true. At almost-28, I am a lot better. A lot. I could not have said the same thing a year ago. So I think a celebration of my life and my future is in order.

Thus, I am embarking upon “28 Days of Awesome.” Each day leading up to my birthday, I will do something to improve myself and my environment, to make peace with myself and others and/or to celebrate life. This includes writing letters to people to whom I owe words, reconnecting with those who I have distanced myself from, working on my physical, spiritual and emotional well-being and spending time in the service of my happiness. I am going to document my efforts here daily. 

28 days of love, laugher, forgiveness, self-actualization and atonement begins today. 28 days of awesome. 

Remember: YOLO. lol. 

-jam

What Happened to the Beautiful Struggler?

As some of you may know, my online writing life began with a site called The Beautiful Struggler, which I maintained under the pseudonym “Sister Toldja”. Thoughout my time with other publications, I maintained the Struggler (though I did start posting less frequently as writing went from a hobby, to a side hustle and later a career).

When I became the Digital News & Lifestyle Editor for EBONY, finding time to update the site seemed even more of a challenge. However, I kept the Struggler alive with the intention of coming back when the moment was right. Unfortunately, on two occasions, a hacker has used my site to attack my host’s server with malware. So not only was the Stuggler taken down, other sites were as well.

My site was designed by Lidia Anain, a kind sister who did the project for free when I was not in a position to pay for much else but the domain name because she believed in the work I was doing.  So while it hurts me personally to see that nearly 7 years of hard work is now offline, it hurts more to know that this kind spirit has been inconvienced so greatly (as have her other clients). And it’s infuriating to know that it seems this attack was personal, not random. Thus, the domain name www.thebeautifulstruggler.com will point to my Facebook fan page or this tumblr until further notice. I have yet to decide what will become of the original site but I will have a site all my own again—trust me.

To the person who did this (and I have a strong suspcion as to who it may be), I really wish that attacking Lidia’s hard work and mine would make you beautiful, important and loved…but it won’t. You are and will continue to be nothing but a small stain upon humanity. Despite your best efforts you don’t matter. What a terrible feeling that must be. I can’t imagine it because, well, I do. Perhaps you will someday find a more constructive way to make your time on this planet valuable. Because right now, you are but a waste. How dreadful. 

To Lidia: thank you so, SO much for your sisterliness and your talent. I am so sorry that you were impacted by this, but your work and gifts will continue to bless you over and over and over again.

To the Struggler’s readers: I’m starting my regular Tumbling today (for real)! And I thank those of you who supported me for years. My career is so much a reflection of that support. If you haven’t checked out EBONY.com…please do! If you liked what I was doing before, trust and believe there is something for you there. 

I’m out…but not,

Jamilah “Don’t Call Me Toldja No More” Lemieux